II - Winter feels like pictures

There was a day that she wanted to know more and more about me. As she called me asking "what bands do you like? what would you like to receive from me in this Valentine's?" I'll never forget someone cared about my feelings, no one never used to treat me that way. Seriously, I never had a date so thoughtful, so caring. No way I wouldn't fall in love to someone so beautiful on the inside, so close and warm. We were in the same hotel of our first time, though we rented a room in the back apartment, when she suddenly handed in the gift. I was really flattered. But when I thought that the DVD it was enough. The biggest present was still to come. After I saved it on my back pack, I returned to bed and I remember she picked her handbag and took out something really small and unfamiliar. I noticed... eventhough i didn't care, so I kept kissing her neck and holding her tightly. Then she turned her face to me and said "It's also to you.". That wasn't fair. When I stared at her hands, there was something really small and totally folded. I opened it. It was a letter. For god sake. Just writing these memories, it feels like it happened yesterday... It hurts and makes me breath outta the pace... Why? The letter was written in both sides of the paper. It reminds me of the several draws she made... and at the end... at the bottom of the sheet, a little fishie. So I asked in that moment"how come is it draw?" You guys migh find it funny. She said... "...as you live in cassino, I needed to know how to swim, because it is a beach place. Besides, when I was younger I had a fishy I used to call "Gup", your nickname from now on..." Since that day as she explained me, was her new gup. Ham, I won't give further details, but unfortunately it became a sad memory. It looks like someone threw me out of the water, or I blew over how to swim and for this reason I drowned into to an unknown ocean. The worst is that I know it's worthless to think there's gonna be a savior, because it won't. My love is stupified, confused, hopeless.It's midnight now and it's not nice to know that I am meaningless to her. I could have died for her that I wouldn't care. Thinking it over, actually, it seems like I'm doing this now. If it fits better to her, I stay away, if that's what she needs... being apart forever. Even it costs me pain, even it kills me... I do stay as she wants me to. I miss your face, I miss you.

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